Confidence Coach, Optimist, Ultimate warrior, Amsterdam, Netherlands

“Personal growth is never a straight line. There will be times when you fall, when you make mistakes, when you fail again, when you lose hope. But what matters is whether you will get back up again.” - Ms. Naomi Saelens’s words resonate with many of us. Naomi lived through ups and downs and got up to reinvent herself and share what she learned with those willing to listen. Ms. Saelens is a WOW Woman because of her courage to change careers, pull a 180, move to Indonesia to build a business from scratch, seek support in various communities, return to Europe and start from scratch yet again. Please enjoy the WOW Woman Q/A from her neighborhood in the beautiful Amsterdam.

1. Name.

Naomi Saelens.

2. Where is your hometown?

Amsterdam.

3. What is your profession/career/title/self-label/designation?

Coach. 

4. What did you study in school?

• BA Honours in Japanese and Politics.

• MA International and European Relations & Management.

• Diploma in Coaching.

5. What was the journey like to get where you are (in life and career-wise)? What are some accomplishments you’re most proud of, and what was the turning point to set you on a current path in life? 

I’ve been blessed to have parents who have always supported me in whatever I wanted to do – and that was quite a bit! Somehow I’ve never chosen the easy road and things never just came naturally. I’ve often had to fight for the things that I wanted, but I have learned that if you really want something, you can often achieve more than you may initially think.

Someone once told me that I was the ultimate warrior. I never saw myself like that at all, because I thought that be a warrior meant to not be scared – and truthfully, I’ve been scared so many times. But what I’ve come to realize is that a true warrior is the one who keeps going despite the fear.

Some examples:

Getting into ballet academy at 11. I called the Royal Academy of Dancing in London when I was 10 years old (!!) and I asked them what my options were. It turned out that they had a school in The Netherlands as well (where I grew up) where I auditioned and got in. Ballet was a big part of my teens and training was challenging.

I decided I wanted to study in the UK after graduating high school. M first university of choice denied entry but I got in after arguing that their evaluation system wasn’t completely fair. Same for my Master’s programme! I got denied, put up a bit of a fight and got in!

A couple of years after graduating from my BA, I decided I wanted to continue my studies and work in international development. Similar to my BA, I first got denied entry to my MA programme because of the admission criteria, but I put up a bit of a fight and got in! It took a long time but eventually I managed to get a job in the international development field where I worked for close to a decade.

My last job in international development was challenging and I ended up resigning after my first year there. It was a wake-up call however as I knew that I really wanted to work as a coach and had wanted to move abroad for some time as well. After leaving this last job, my partner Bart and I decided that this was the right time and we ended up leaving for Bali and I slowly started working as a coach. This was a big leap of faith, but we took it! It was challenging to start a new life and career, but I kept going at it!

Personal growth is never a straight line. There will be times when you fall, when you make mistakes, when you fail, when you lose hope. But what matters is whether you will get back up again.

6. How is your life different from what you pictured at 20? 

At 20 I still thought I’d end up working in business. I was studying for a Japanese and business degree, but after a year of studying in Japan and getting more and more interested in international politics, I ended up changing my degree in my 3rd year to Japanese and politics, and later on started working in the international development field. I thought that would be my “ultimate” career but I ended up changing my career again to coaching and becoming self-employed.

At 20 I was still so busy with trying to prove myself. I was much more focused on what others thought of me and complying with that image – in this case, being a great student and just generally being a “good” person (whatever that meant!). Now, I’ve been able to let go off what others think of me much more and I follow my heart. I speak my mind and am not so focused on “others” anymore. I’m more me and it’s so much more liberating!

7. Was there a time when life knocked you down or out and how did you get back up on your feet? 

Quite a few times! As mentioned, I’ve often had to fight for what I wanted but this allowed me to become more resilient and determined, and I’ve always gone for what I wanted. I think in the past I almost bullied myself into getting back up. I was so scared to show any weakness, I just pushed myself really hard. I think this is part of our culture as well: Just do it! That sounds great on paper, but in reality, it causes a lot of stress for people. Nowadays I still persist, but it comes from a different source: I’m a lot more loving with myself and find that works so much better to motivate myself. 

8. Advice for other women? 

Be you – all of it. The glorious, the messy, the icky, and everything in between. Know that you are and always have been more than enough. Get out of your own way. Love yourself.

9. Knowing what we know now in current political climate, can women be "all that we can be" in today's world? What is the way forward, as you see it, for "feminist values"? 

Big question! No, I don’t think we’re there yet. I think one of the biggest struggles is the internalized oppression that has taken place. I’m a woman and I’m mixed race. While the discrimination I’ve personally encountered has been limited in comparison to many others, I feel that this in many ways made me feel like an outsider – and to be an outsider felt like less than.

I valued my masculine side (productivity, efficiency, results, etc)  and my European heritage more than my feminine side (my feelings/emotions, my sensitivity, the care I have for others) as well as my Japanese background  – and my biggest work is to unpack that. How does my self-image impact my position in the world and understanding that there’s a lot of internal work that I needed to do to see how I disadvantaged myself.

So we need to tackle societal change at both the systemic and the individual level, and I still think we have ways to go – especially depending on where you are in the world.

10. Where in the world do you feel “tallest” (i.e. where is your happy place)? 

My happy place is when I’m at ease with myself. If I’m at home with myself, then it doesn’t really matter where in the world I am. It’s taken me quite a long time to figure that out, but the relationship that you have with yourself truly is the most important one you can ever have.

11.   What extra-curricular activities/hobbies are you most proud of? Why?

I suck at extra-curricular activities! I’ve often been so focused on work that hobbies have taken a back seat. It’s only in more recent years that I’ve come to understand the value of play. For me, play is often really about the connections that I have with people – just simply being able to share my time with good friends and share some deep belly laughter. If I had to pick something, I’ve always loved dancing and I still like to have a little boogie from time to time whether that’s at a festival or in a dance class.

12. What do you want to be when you grow up? Future goals/challenges?

Hmmm not sure yet! My first goal is to really build a conscious coaching business and supporting people to really be happy with who they are and to empower them to live their most inspired, meaningful and purpose-driven life. I don’t think there’s anything quite as inspiring to see as someone who has truly come “alive”! At some point, I’d also like to extend this work to organizations. 

I’ve also thought about writing a book and creating some kind of a retreat space. I’d also love to become a great photographer so I can capture the big and small moments that make life beautiful. Oh yes, and a beautiful home where everyone is welcome and where I live with a lot of animals!

13. What fears are you still hoping to overcome?

Despite the fact that I’ve come a long way in growing my own confidence and carving out my space in the world, from time to time, my old fear of not belonging and not being good enough still shows up. Rather than wanting to overcome those fears, I rather try to see them as simply part of who I am. Not something that needs to be pushed away, but rather to be embraced. Fear often gets a bad rap, and I actually think it’s unjustified. Our fear often has great intentions (to keep you safe) and really, it just wants to be seen and tended to. Once you can really embrace fear, without pushing it away, you can actually start seeing that fear can often be used as a compass, showing you the way to your biggest growth and expansion. 

14. Anything you'd do differently, if you had another go at life?

No, I don’t think so. I believe that all of our life experiences are opportunities for learning and growth. Whatever has come on my path has made me in the person that I am now. While we can’t always control the events in our lives, we can always choose how we respond.

15. What inspires you?

Stories of human strength. People who have had to overcome struggles and who have remained so beautifully human.

16. What are you hopeful about? 

I feel that more and more people are engaging in more conscious life styles and are making more informed choices. I’m lucky to be surrounded by people that are often inspired to somehow make a positive impact on this world.

17. What are some ingredients to a good life?

People, animals and food. Definitely food.

Connection to others and to some bigger source are definitely important to me. Exploration of the worlds’ delights, whether that’s travel, food or any other experience that gives you a taste of the magic of life. Having some sense of meaning, purpose and contribution in your everyday life, whatever that may mean to you. For me that means I truly enjoy working with my clients, but generally I think it’s feeling you are using your skills for someone else – and really, that could be anything!

18. What is a quality you most love about yourself and why?

I laugh a lot, and I’m pretty funny sometimes – actually that’s what I think! ;-) . I also deeply care about people, I just can’t help myself. Ultimately I think the connections we have with each other are the most important thing in life, and my hope is that my friends and loved ones experience the love I have for them.

19. What advice would you give your 14-year-old self?

Don’t be in such a hurry to grow up – have fun, enjoy life. Know that you are truly loved. Know that it’s more than OK to truly be yourself. Speak up for yourself, voice your opinion, dream big. You are so much more powerful than you realize.

20. What are you reading now? (what books do you gift most and what are your favourite reads?) 

I’m currently reading Deep Work by Cal Newport, Warrior Goddess Training by Heather Ash Amara, and A Year of Miracles by Marianne Williamson. Some of my favourite reads are (there are so many!): Cry, the Beloved Country by Alan Paton, anything from Brené Brown, and If This Is a Man by Primo Levi.

21. Who is a WOW Woman in your world who inspires you and why? Can you nominate three (or more) women you know who perfectly fit WOW WOMAN description? What would you tell them, if you had an opportunity, why you admire them?

I actually don’t want to pick just one, because I think all of the women who are doing their best to make a positive impact in the world should be applauded. 

22. Where can others find you/your work (links to websites, blogs, etc.)?

website: www.naomisaelens.com

IG: @naomi_saelens

FB: naomisaelenscoaching