Travelling through India was an incredible adventure, thanks in part to the network of women who were supportive of the WOW Woman and also of one another. I connected to each one through word of mouth introductions, making every meeting exciting, unplanned, even quirky. Indian WOW Women work in various fields and come from wildly different backgrounds but they share one thing: wealth of life experience.

In this feature, connection was made by a feminist author in New Delhi who introduced me to Ms. Shibani Kumar, a WOW Woman in Mumbai. Ms. Kumar has gained a fan in me, as I remain forever in awe of her strength, incredible poise and sheer determination with which she confidently dealt with adversity. Her words ring true to most of us, no matter what part of the world we are in. Such lessons transcend cultures and are shared on the most basic level, that of womanhood.

1. Name

Shibani Kumar.

2. Where is your hometown?

Mumbai, India. My parents are originally from Mangalore, Karnataka so that’s hometown for us. 

3. What is your profession/career/title/self-label/designation? What does your average day look like?

I am a dentist turned social media manager. My day starts with an office conference call, followed by my son’s online school and work until about six or seven in the evening.

I now work at this amazing company called On Purpose. It is a communications agency working toward social change. They are working with clients across four main areas: Climate Action, Public Health, Education and Gender. I am extremely proud to be associated with them. This is their handle - @OnPurposeComms

4. What did you study in school?

I went to a dental school and studied dentistry for five years.

5. What was the journey like to get where you are (in life and career-wise)? Write about some of the achievements that you are most proud of. What was the breakthrough moment for you (in your personal life and/or career?) that set you on the current path in life?

Well, it has honestly been a diverse journey. All through college while I was studying dentistry, I was somehow involved in the music field. I founded a music events company with a close friend at 23 and we went on to become the music curators for one of the most prestigious arts and culture festivals in Mumbai – the Kala Ghoda Arts Festival.

At the same time, I was also freelancing in the social media field. I stopped working when I got married and since I got pregnant a year into our marriage, I wanted to focus completely on my child. As life would have it, I got divorced two years after my son was born. That was when I had to do completely start from scratch, both professionally and personally. It hasn’t been easy, but I think I have finally found my footing and I am sure I will work my way through whatever lies ahead.

6. How is your life different from what you pictured at 20?

I never expected to be a single parent, at 20 or at any point in life. When I was 20, I thought I would probably settle down, have a flourishing career in dentistry and just you know, lead a normal life. A decade later, it still is a normal life, but I am following my (new) passion, doing what I actually love doing and appreciating the fact that parenthood does not always involve two units.

7. Was there a time when life knocked you down or out and how did you get back up on your feet?

I hit the rock bottom while going through my divorce. It was an exceptionally difficult time for me and more so because I had a small child to care for. I had to try and wrap my head around the fact that my relationship with the one I loved had to end. That was not easy.

Getting back on my feet has been a gradual process and it is still ongoing. There are many times I am still reminded of the things that knocked me off my feet but it hurts a little less with every passing moment.

8. Advice for other women?

Do not be that woman who knocks another woman down. We have enough going against us, as often as it is. Be the kind of woman who helps other women grow and prosper, inspire them to do better. We need more women supporting each other because of all the issues we have to face in life and in our society.

Also, have a strong control on your finances from early on. You never know what life has in store for you but if you are financially independent, I think you will be in a much better position to handle anything. I wish I had done this before.

Finally, IT IS NEVER TOO LATE TO START OVER!

9. Knowing what we know now in a current political climate, can women in India be "all that they can be" in today's world? What is the way forward, as you see it, for "feminist values"?

Oh yes, I most certainly think we can. We have come a long way in general, but I am confident that things are only going to get better for women. They are truly invincible, and I am sure they will conquer everything they set out to get. I love how we are far more vocal about things now, so the change is inevitable in the future.

10. Where in the world do you feel “tallest” (i.e. where is your happy place)?

My happy place is forever going to be wrapped in the arms of my four-year-old son, Shlok. It is where I feel the safest and all my worries just go away. Time stops during those bear hugs, I tell you.

11. What extracurricular activities/hobbies are you most proud of? Why?

I am not too great at it, but it would have to be playing the piano. I have loved music since I was a child and I seek solace in it. I am proud of it because I now see my son being involved in it too and I sincerely hope that music helps him as much as it has always helped me.

12. What do you want to be when you grow up? Future goals/challenges?

WORLD DOMINATION. Haha. I find it very tough to adhere to goals now because I don’t think life has ever gone according to any plan of mine. So I am trying to keep it simple – I want to concentrate on working hard and building the life I have imagined for the both of us.

I want to raise my son to become a kind and honest man and I sincerely hope to turn into the parent my kid can always rely on, no matter what. It’s great if I make a lot of money along the way too, hahaha.

13. What fears are you still hoping to overcome?

The fear of being completely alone. It has been my biggest fear since I was little. I am an only child and the fear of losing my parents and being alone used to scare the daylights out of me. So now, at this point in life, where I am single again and living with my parents, the same fear reignited itself. I am still navigating around it and I know I will find the strength to overcome it eventually because “I” am a parent now and I don’t ever want to project that fear on to my child.

14. Anything you'd do differently, if you had another go at life?

I will be honest, I have often answered differently to this and wished differently even. But the truth is, NOPE. I am exactly where I am supposed to be and if I had to go through all this to get my Shlok, I would do it twice over.

15. What inspires you?

My son. And I know it’s a cliché and the most obvious answer but truly, he is the reason for me to wake up everyday and just power through life. Children are ALWAYS watching you, as parents. So, I know that whatever I do today, my actions, my words – they’re going to influence him and help him be a better man tomorrow.

I want to set a strong example for my son, so he learns early on to respect women in his life. I think it is extremely important for these lessons to start early on. As a single mother to a boy, I will try to the best of my abilities to raise him into a good man.

16. What are you hopeful about?

I am trying to be hopeful about the world we live in. Right now, things seem so bleak (especially in the midst of the COVID pandemic) but I really hope they change for the better and we start being more mindful about the way we live our lives. I want us to leave a better tomorrow for our children.

17. What are some ingredients to a good life? Has the global pandemic changed your perspective about the world, about your life, your goals, and dreams?

GRATITUDE. Coupled with humility and kindness. I think this year has been so tough on all of us in different ways, but it has also been a major eye-opener. This difficult for humanity moment in time has taught me to be more appreciative and grateful for everything I have in life. One must not take anything or anyone for granted.

Although I did try to live in the moment before 2020, I think this past year has certainly reinforced the belief in me. I pretty much take it as a fact that things will not end up going according to a set plan and that is perfectly alright. I consistently remind myself to slow down and take life as it comes.

18. What are (at least) three qualities you most love about yourself and why? What are your superpowers?

I love that I can make people laugh and make them comfortable enough to open up to me easily (or so I’ve been told). I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’ve grown to love how strong I can be, when I least expect it. I do not back down from a challenge easily. And although I thought it was stupid before, I think I am happy that even after everything that has transpired in my life, I have not turned into a cold person. Being honest and loyal are definitely my superpowers.

19. What advice would you give your 14-year-old self?

 Do not worry about what people think of you. People will always talk no matter what you do, and you cannot please everyone. Don’t be afraid to cut toxic people off and out of your life. You don’t owe anybody an explanation for putting yourself first. What is important is that you always listen to your heart and then you’re almost bound to do the right thing. Your instinct is almost always correct about everything so pay heed to it.

20. What are you reading now?

I’m currently reading Becoming by Michelle Obama. Unfortunately, I cannot find the time to read as much as I used to but I’m trying to change that slowly.

21. Who is a WOW WOMAN in your world who inspires you and why? Can you nominate three (or more) women you know who perfectly fit WOW WOMAN description? What would you tell them, if you had an opportunity, why you admire them?

I’m lucky that I have not one but MANY WOW WOMEN in my life. Going to list them down –

• Dr. Riddhi Kapadia – Riddhi is the epitome of grace and dignity. She is one of my biggest role models. I want to take this opportunity to thank her for all the times she has guided, motivated, and protected me. She is a force of nature, an incredible mother and one of the strongest women I know. I will never stop drawing inspiration from her.

• My Squad – Aarti Pardasani, Arnie Panchamia, Kisha Jogeshwar and Sanam Makhija – the tribe that has helped me get through the darkest phases of my life. Each of these women is so unique and brilliant, excelling in their respective fields. I admire them because the four of them are juggling careers and joint families and yet they never fail to check on each other and lift each other up. All this while being extraordinary mothers. Words can’t express the gratitude I feel for having these women in my life.

• And finally, my Mother. Being a renal transplant patient, my mum often has good days and bad. Her strength and courage to fight through everything she has faced and overcame in life will always make her the biggest source of my inspiration.

22. Where can others find you/your work (links to websites, blogs, etc.)?

You can usually find me rambling on Twitter: @vantaskigoli

Quick round/bonus questions:

1. What and who is worth suffering for?

Your children. I would go to hell and back for my child.

2. What would you stand for if you knew that nobody would judge you?

That I have developed a soft corner for Justin Bieber’s music now. *runs away to Mars*

3. What would you do if you knew that nobody would judge you?

I would probably be more open about dating and moving on, I guess. It’s not even funny how much single mothers get judged for these things.

4. Whom do you admire most and why?

I have way too much respect for single parents everywhere. The resilience and grit it takes – day in, day out to raise a kid by yourself. I genuinely admire all the single parents I know in my life.

6. What do you not want anyone else to know about you?

That I talk to myself a lot. Hahaha. As creepy as it sounds, I have had proper conversations and discussions alone. (Now that I have typed it out, it sounds weirder than I anticipated)

7. What would be too good to believe if someone was to sit down and tell you what's coming next in your life?

That I am going to marry Chris Evans and have many beautiful babies with him.

8. Who from your past are you still trying to earn acceptance from?

Nobody. They are in my past for a particular reason and I don’t see why their acceptance of me matters now or ever.

9. If you didn't have to work anymore what would you do with your days?

I would probably spend my days listening to retro music while learning how to brew my own beer. 

10. What bothers you most about other people? What do you love most about other people?

I genuinely get irked by people who find reasons to complain about everything in their lives. I try and distance myself from them because I don’t think I have the bandwidth to deal with that kind of negativity anymore.

What I love most about someone is if they take the time to make you feel special in any way. The smallest way even, doesn’t have to be a grand gesture. It’s always the little things that matter the most.