Educator, Mother, Wife, Sister, Friend, Skier, Mountain Biker, Trail Runner and lover of activities in the mountains of Colorado, USA

We are on a single track mountain bike trail, in the woods of Colorado, USA. The woman ahead of me is cranking out a solid climb on what appears to be a forty degree incline. She is one hundred percent committed, and that challenges me to keep puffing, sweat pouring and muscles straining. This is a prelude to a quick downward spiraling trail befittingly christened Star Wars, part of a long, fast and wickedly rewarding downhill descend that leaves you breathless. Emily proceeds to fly her Star Skiff down so fast, I am left eating her dust, loving every second of the experience.

So much to say about Ms. Emily Kassay. Her sports-related bruises and scrapes are a mere slice of a well-lived life of an outdoorswoman. Emily enjoys keeping up with her teenage sons, the whole family skiing, mountain biking and enduro-racing. My heart sings when I think of Ms. Kassay showing her teenage boys the various feats a woman is capable of while at the core maintaining a strong sense of self.

I continue to be in awe of the honest detail and the various degrees of introspection with which Emily records her truth in this WOW Woman feature. I hope you enjoy and feel inspired also.

1. Name.

Emily Gail Kassay.

2. Where is your hometown?

Durango Colorado

3. What is your profession/career/title/self-label/designation? 

Educator, mother, wife, sister, friend, skier, mountain biker, trail runner and lover of activities in the mountains.

What does your average day look like? 

The days that school is in session look very different from the days when school is out. During the school year my day starts early. I like to get to my classroom well before my students as it helps me to prepare for the day. Students come in at about 7:40. I am focused on that part of my world and heart until they leave at about 3:00. School meetings and committees are after the students leave and are about 3-4 days a week. I do my best to be home by 5:00 or 6:00, sometimes with some shuttling of my sons around in between. Having dinner as a family is important to John and me. We work toward that goal on as many nights as possible. I am an early-to-bed sort of lady. I try to shut down my brain and body by about 10:00. This is increasingly harder and harder as my boys stay up late and tend to have the time and openness to talk with me for extended times late at night.

My time left with the boys in my house is shrinking and I do my best to enjoy each little conversation and moment with them in the car. I crave the days when the boys were by my side 24/7. Summertime days look different for sure!! Summer is when I have the luxury of allowing my body to get the sleep it needs (I love, love, love me some good sleep). I don’t usually sleep in as I am 100% a heat wimp so I do my activities first thing before it gets hot. In the summer I have more time in the kitchen, which I love.

I continue to do my best to garden each summer which usually ends with a depressingly small amount of wilted vegetables … and a few tears. My boys and John support my garden effort year after year, even though it always turns out making me blue.

4. What did you study in school? 

I have a humanities degree and an elementary education certification. When I was in school for my undergraduate degree there was no elementary ed degree so I obtained the certification after my degree. I have a masters degree in curriculum and instruction.

5. What was the journey like to get where you are (in life and career-wise)? Write about some of the achievements that you are most proud of. What was the breakthrough moment for you (in your personal life and/or career?) that set you on the current path in life?

Achievements I am most proud of are many… some larger than others and most still in process. I’d say one big one is being married almost 20 years and having a marriage that holds respect, adventure, compassion, love and growth. Anyone who has been married knows that the work is never really over and the dedication to remain fulfilled in a marriage is not always easy. John and I have had our ups and downs but we both have immense respect for one another and it keeps us moving and keeps it real.

I am proud of my boys. I am proud to be their mother and to spend my time with them. They are both kind-hearted and empathetic. They are curious and engaged. They are both teenagers (15 and 16) at the moment so they can be “know it alls” at times yet when they come to their true center I couldn’t ask for more. I am proud of my work and the process it has taken to be the educator that I am. I have the honor of knowing and interacting with amazing families during my teaching.

6. How is your life different from what you pictured at 20?

When I was 20 I was in love with a wonderful person but not the person who I married which made all the difference. I suppose at 20 I was resigned to be in a role that was relatively flat. In that, I mean living from day to day in a job I mostly enjoyed with a partner I mostly enjoyed. My life today is anything but flat. I have more joy and love in my life than I could have ever imagined. It comes from my work, my husband, my sons, my family, and my friends. 

At 20 I didn’t know that my heart could hold so much love or that my marriage could be challenging yet incredibly rewarding at the same time. I had a small vision of the person I would become and the people with which I would surround myself. Today I do not see myself as small and I am enveloped in challenge and joy in what seems to be the right balance. 

7. Was there a time when life knocked you down or out and how did you get back up on your feet?

I would say being knocked down in varying degrees is a constant, and that has contributed to who I see in the mirror each morning. One of the biggest knock downs would be the miscarriage of our first pregnancy. It was a surprise as we were 12 weeks in and assumed all was going well. John and I realized that at that time in our lives, we grieved very differently and had to work through those issues. Most knockdowns since have involved my boys and family members. Big injuries, surgeries, medical issues and diagnoses are all things that can bring me to my knees.

Getting back on my feet is always with the help of John, my family and friends. A judgment free circle of people I trust is key to getting up and brushing off. I would also say learning to be kind to myself has also helped. It is much easier to allow others to be kind to me than to be kind to myself.

8. Advice for other women?

Yes… First, be kind to yourself! For example, when you let a friend down or said unkind words to your partner or children. Second, let your heart be seen and felt. If you are a caring, loving person, own that love and share it. Often, as women, we are criticized for being sensitive or gushy but loving and caring can seep into cracks and crevices of broken people and institutions and will help them heal. Third, own your voice. If you had it from the womb then own it and if you gained it as life went on, own it. Always own your ideas, your voice and your space in all your relationships. (Definitely not mastered yet for me)

9. Knowing what we know now in a current political climate, can women be "all that we can be" in today's world? What is the way forward, as you see it, for "feminist values"? 

The way forward is to continue to do the best you can to be an equal in all areas. Women of course have an uphill challenge in the gender equality battle but we can make moves today to help the women of tomorrow. 

Being the only woman in a house with three men, it feels like I often have to work hard to be seen with all the gifts I offer. Meaning what I bring to the table naturally as a woman is as valuable and necessary as what the three men in my house naturally bring to the table. My hope is that by modeling equality in my family both my sons will assist the world in the move toward gender equity.

10. Where in the world do you feel “tallest” (i.e. where is your happy place)?

My happy place is in so many places…. on my bike, with my friends, camping in the woods with my family, skiing with my boys, cooking in my kitchen and in the classroom with students (pre-Covid).

11. What extracurricular activities/hobbies are you most proud of? Why?

I am proud of my biking and skiing skills because I have grown so much in both areas. It was and remains a challenge to do these two sports with my boys as they are fast and fearless. 

Sometimes I struggle to find my place in the ‘dude-pack’, but I am also learning how to step out of a big ride or a steep cliff drop and not allow my ego beat me up about it.

12. What do you want to be when you grow up? Future goals/challenges? 

I am happy with the way my life is going. For the future I look forward to doing more yoga and enjoying it, spending as much time with my sons as they will allow and adventuring with my husband.

13. What fears are you still hoping to overcome (for yourself and/or your family)?

This is such a huge one for me personally because I have gobs of irrational fears that I have spent the last 10 plus years working on. My fears used to cripple me in everyday life, I am getting better at naming them and not letting them get the better of me (and my family). 

Fear of mine is that there is not enough time to love the people I love long enough or deeply enough. It’s a broad and vague fear but really gets to the root of my biggest fears. The fear for my family is that we lose sight of what matters (any one of us) and in turn lose the deep connections we have to one another.

15. What inspires you?

I am inspired by powerful women and I don’t really mean the Fortune 500 powerhouses. Women who face life with grace and grit inspire me, women who lift each other up, women who hold their ground and their voice, women who overcome all that gets thrown at them. I am also inspired by the younger generations as they are good at knocking down the historical boxes and lines of gender by acceptance of transgender and LGBTQ+ people. 

16. What are you hopeful about? 

I am hopeful about a more equal and accepting world. I am hopeful that my sons, my niece and nephews will continue to live with open minds and open hearts so that acceptance can be universal. I remember needing the perfect bangs and Guess jeans to feel accepted and I get to witness that falling away for our younger generations. 

I am hopeful that the younger generations are growing up with a much higher emotional intelligence than previous generations. That high emotional IQ will not only enact change but will do so with compassion and empathy.

17. What are some ingredients to a good life? 

For me it is to love deeply, spend time in nature with the ones you love, live in gratitude, never stop working on yourself or on the relationships that matter to you. Drink good coffee!!!

18. What are (at least) three qualities you most love about yourself and why?

I had to ask a few of my loved ones about this because as soon as I gave myself something I loved most about me I started to look at the negative side of it (horrible show of ego taking over).

1. I love my empathic nature. I can sit with someone in pain, shock, trauma, terror, loss, joy, celebration or sadness and connect with them, to their true and intense feelings. (The downside is that other people's pain often brings me to my knees and wrecks me as if it’s my own).

2. I love that I don’t turn away from a challenge.

3. I love that I continue to work on self-love and on my relationships. I am okay with the often uncomfortable conversations with my loved ones if it will move us through a difficult time and into deeper understanding and connection.

19. What advice would you give your 14-year-old self?

I would tell my 14-year-old self to start loving yourself right now. Don’t wait to embrace your amazingness until you are an adult. Looks, money, status, athletic ability, brilliance do not make you more or less loveable. Love who you are as soon as possible. I am working on this every day of my life as a grown-ass adult!!

20. What are you reading now? (what books do you gift most and what are your favourite reads?)

I am currently reading “Beneath A Scarlet Sky”. I don’t often gift books but can recommend some of my favorites: Tomboy Bride by by Harriet Fish Backus, A Voyage For Madmen by Peter Nichols and Modoc by Ralph Helfer.

21. Who is a WOW WOMAN in your world who inspires you and why? Can you nominate three (or more) women you know who perfectly fit WOW WOMAN description? What would you tell them, if you had an opportunity, why you admire them?

I would nominate my sister Connie Shaw as a WOW WOMAN. She is tough as nails and has moved through some crippling parts of her life. She continues to astound me with her strength and perseverance.

22. Where can others find you/your work (links to websites, blogs, etc.)?

Really nowhere at the moment…. my Masters thesis may be out there somewhere but I think that’s about it. Laying low as a mama and a teacher.