Horse Trainer, Mama, Grandmother, Pole Dance Teacher, Somerset West, South Africa

Ms. Monika Barnes led us on a horseback ride through a wildlife sanctuary in the Western Cape of South Africa. Our horses, unbothered by the giraffes and antelopes in the distance, were calm and steady; focused on the juicy grass and how to best sneak off the path for a nibble. Ms. Barnes was a seasoned pro, a gentle leader with a definite air of authority. As we rode and chatted, it became apparent that Monika lived multiple lives, on two continents, with a variety of experiences under her belt. She lives and breathes horses. Add ultra-marathons and pole exercise to the skill mix? Yes please! Special thanks to Monika’s beautiful mare Casina for making a stately appearance in this feature.

1. Name.

Monika Elizabeth Barnes.

2. Where is your hometown?

At the moment my hometown is Somerset West in the Western Cape, South Africa. I grew up in Pretoria, followed by a year in New Zealand, six years in Accra Ghana, West Africa and nine years in Dar es Salaam Tanzania, East Africa.

3. What is your profession/career/title/self-label/designation? What does your average day look like?

I am blessed to be a mom to two amazing teenage boys, a stepmom (although I don’t like the word stepmom as I love them as they were my own) to two amazing adults and a granny to two beautiful grandchildren. I also train horses, lead horseback trail rides through a lovely wildlife sanctuary and teach pole fitness at the studio which I own.

4. What did you study in school?

In school my subjects were biology, geography, business economics and home economics. In my thirties I studied exercise science, pole fitness instructor training and personal training. Am now (at 43) almost finished my second and final year of an exercise specialist diploma.

5. What was the journey like to get where you are (in life and career-wise)? Write about some of the achievements that you are most proud of. What was the moment for you that changed your life (in your personal life and/or career?) that set you on the current path in life?

My journey has been quite an interesting one in different aspects both in life and career-wise. Traveling and living in different countries has been truly incredible and has helped me grow and opened my mind in many ways. I have met the most amazing people from all around the world, from different cultures and backgrounds. I’ve made friendships that will last a lifetime with people who I may never even have crossed paths with in other situations.

It has been filled with exciting and fun adventures and challenges along the way all of which I feel have made me into the person I am today.

New Zealand was a fun adventure for me. I was 21 when I travelled there for what was meant to be a one to two-month job training horses. It ended up being a whole year of working with an Arabian stud (a stallion used for breeding), of backing and training horses and competing in the national endurance rides. I also trained race horses at a thoroughbred stud and training center and worked at a ski resort. My sister joined me there for a few months which was fantastic!

This experience whet my appetite for travelling and I was actually planning to return to travel more but when I came home to South Africa I met my hubby; this put me on a different travel path.

Ghana was the first African country I lived in besides South Africa. I learned a lot there and met lovely people. This was a special place as it was where I lived at the stage in my life when I got married and had my kids however it also brought a slew of challenges. I almost lost my youngest son twice, once when he got intussusception (potentially fatal medical situation where the intestine telescopes into itself) and ended up in a hospital where the power went out in the middle of the night and the generator wasn’t kicking in. I was in complete darkness with my five-month old baby on a drip. Thankfully God sent us an angel in the form of a young doctor who saved his life. Another year my son got very sick with malaria and had high fever for nine days whilst my husband was away for work but thankfully again my son was saved by God's Grace. Career-wise in Ghana I gave riding lessons at the local polo club until I got pregnant with my first son.

Tanzania was a very special chapter in our lives. We moved there when my kids were one and three and stayed for nine years. It is the place my kids love and remember the most as their home. Although we had many third-world and other challenges there too we had an extremely special community around us. I think was one of a kind and again made friendships there that will last a lifetime and we still try to meet up regularly (where possible with COVID).

During my time in Tanzania there were no horses nearby and we couldn’t spend three or more hours to get to them with two very young kids so I started running which I still love to this day and have completed multiple half, full and ultra marathons.

It was in Tanzania where I first started pole fitness after a trip to Pretoria to visit my folks. I tried several classes with my mom who, at 62, was also trying it for the first time. I have always been an athlete of some kind and loved studying fitness, so I decided to become a pole fitness instructor. I took courses and opened a studio upstairs in our home, in Dar es Salaam. During this time I travelled to South Africa to do competitions including the nationals where I won second place.

We had such great times in Tanzania and were so blessed to have beautiful beaches with warm sea and stunning islands all around us. We camped n places where at one stage there was a pride of 15 lions just 200m from our tent.

In both Ghana and Tanzania we often had to deal with intermittent power outages or lack of running water etc. and many things were not always available (especially in Ghana in those days). However we also had the most amazing adventures in both countries and learned to adapt, to improvise; we learned what things are truly important. I would definitely do it all over again if I had the choice. I highly recommend travelling and experiencing other parts of the world and people and cultures different to your own. It changes your outlook on life and the world around you; travel helps you grow into a better, more patient and thankful person.

After nine years in Tanzania we moved to Western Cape of South Africa. Although this must be one of the most beautiful places in the world it was very hard in the beginning. My husband was away on work trips 90% of the time; he does risk assessment in health and safety and security matters, fraud investigations, operations, crisis management all over East and West Africa as well as South and Central America. As a result we were settling in on our own; my kids had to get accustomed to a completely different schooling system and learned a brand new language (Afrikaans) in which school is taught around here. I desperately missed my friends and the supportive community we built in Dar. I was having health struggles as well, which made everything more bleak.

After a while, slowly but surely, we settled in and made a new tribe of quality friends. I opened my fitness studio here and started riding horses again which was an answer to my prayers. We are happy here.

Looking back, multiple moments were life-altering for me, but by far meeting my husband and becoming a mom have been the biggest and best of all.

Another important one happened at the age of 18 while on a delayed high school holiday while I was on the wrong path in life, dating the wrong guy who messed me around, lied and cheated on me multiple times. I was working in a bottle store at a job I really didn't like and felt like I was going nowhere fast (or slowly depending on which way you look at it). It wasn’t at all what I wanted for my life.

I went for a long walk on the beach and prayed and God helped me to realize that I should follow MY dreams and passion that HE had put in my heart since the day I was born .. my love for horses.. so I gave up the job I had at the time and started my career with horses.. which is what has led me along this path.

6. How is your life different from what you pictured at 20?

This is an interesting question. To be honest in many ways it is totally different but in other ways it is very much as I pictured. I pictured living and raising my children on a farm with lots of horses. We do not live on a farm but I do have my own horse and get to work with horses and ride in beautiful places. Although my kids were not raised on a farm they have lived in different countries and experienced amazing things that most people will not get to do, see or feel in their whole lifetimes. My husband and I have shared adventures and made memories that are very special and different to most. As a result, I believe that my life is even better than what I pictured at 20.

7. Was there a time when life knocked you down or out and how did you get back up on your feet?

Yes there have been countless times when life has knocked me down. This includes the ongoing struggle I have with an auto-immune disease where on certain days I am so tired I really have to push myself just to function.

My faith always helps me to stay strong, carry on and face whatever adversities come my way. I try to do so with a smile and with peace in my heart. "I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me" Philippians 4:13.

8. Advice for other women?

Follow your heart and your dreams. Do the things you love that make you happy. Spend time with people you love, who love you back; these people should make you feel and want to be better and should bring out the good in you.

Know that you are special and that God has given you a passion in your heart for certain things for a reason; He wants good things for you. So if you are not happy with your lot, change whatever needs to be changed! Have faith.

Enjoy nature. Make time to rest and be thankful for the little things, as later in life you will realize they are actually big things to be grateful for.

Be kind to others and to yourself.

9. Knowing what we know now in a current political climate, can women be "all that we can be" in today's world? What is the way forward, as you see it, for "feminist values"?

I don’t follow politics but believe that every person can achieve what they set to achieve, when they work hard and really believe in their abilities.

10. Where in the world do you feel “tallest” (i.e. where is your happy place)?

My happy place is being in nature with my horse, running with my dog and spending quality time with my family.

11. What extracurricular activities/hobbies are you most proud of? Why?

I am proud of my accomplishments: my riding, running and pole fitness. They all take hard work, discipline and dedication. I’m proud of myself, especially now, with my auto-immune struggles. I feel like I constantly work through and overcome challenges, defying what others think is possible.

12. What do you want to be when you grow up? Future goals/challenges?

When I grow up, hehehe.

I would just like to be me, to be a good mom, a good wife, a good friend and a good person. I would like to leave others feeling happy and at peace.

13. What fears are you still hoping to overcome?

I have fears but am trying to put my faith over my fears as much as possible.

14. Anything you'd do differently, if you had another go at life?

I often think of all the things I wish I had done differently but honestly I think everything happens the way it does for a reason. If I were to change anything then I wouldn’t be where I am today; I wouldn’t be me.

15. What/who inspires you?

God inspires me.

And my Mom, she is an incredible woman. She is the kindest, softest, the most gentle soul I know; but also one of the strongest!

My kids inspire me too as I try to be a good example for them.

16. What are you hopeful about?

There is a myriad of things to be hopeful about, in fact everything.

17. What are some ingredients to a good life? Has the global pandemic changed your perspective about the world, about your life, your goals and dreams?

Ingredients to a good life are being fortunate to be able do the things you love, spend time with the people you care about and in nature, learn to recognise and appreciate the small things, always stay strong in your faith and be truthful to who you are. Loving others and smiling. Smiling a lot.

The pandemic has shown me that we don’t ever know what’s around the corner. I hope to always take the time to appreciate who and what we love, take risks, do the things we always wanted to and not take anything or any one for granted.

18. What are (at least) three qualities you most love about yourself and why? What are your superpowers?

Three good qualities I posses are dedication, loyalty and love.

My superpower is God.

19. What advice would you give your 14-year-old self?

Follow your dreams, don't be so hard on yourself. Listen to your own heart and what you know is right for you, not what the world tells you is right for you. Be nicer to your parents, they love you more than you can ever understand or imagine until you have children of your own. Be YOU.

20. What are you reading now? (what books do you gift most and what are your favourite reads?)

I have just bought a book called Crash the Chatterbox by Steven Furtick but I have not started reading it yet. Usually I enjoy spy novels or true crime stories. I am trying to read a bit of The Bible everyday as well.

21. Who is a WOW WOMAN in your world who inspires you and why? Can you nominate three (or more) women you know who perfectly fit WOW WOMAN description? What would you tell them, if you had an opportunity, about why you admire them?

Again this would definitely be my mom! She is amazing, generous, kind, loving and super strong. At the age of 73 she is super fit and does pole fitness which she only started at 62. This keeps her strong and flexible; she even competes. She faced and overcame her fear of being upside down; she has never even done a handstand before she started pole. My mom seems to always handle everything with love and gentle care; she is always there for me no matter what. She is a true superwoman and lets her light shine bright even when things are not easy for her.

Bonus Quick Round Qs:

1. What and who is worth suffering for?

God, my kids and family.

2. What would you do if you knew that nobody would judge you?

I am not sure. I would like to think that at this stage in my life I feel confident to do the things I want to do, regardless of what others may think.

3. Who is/are your mentor/s (men or women)?

My mentors are definitely my parents and in a certain way my husband and also several of my friends.

4. If you didn't have to work anymore what would you do with your days?

Ride my horse.

5. If you could be anyone for a day who would you be?

At this point in life I know that even those people whose lives look absolutely perfect from the outside have their own struggles too. So, I am just happy being myself.

6. If you could relive one year in your life, which one would it be?

This is a tough one. I really don't know the answer! I’m looking forward.

7. What bothers you most about other people? What do you love most about other people?

It bothers me when people are mean-spirited and hurtful to one another or toward animals.

I love that everybody is different. We all have a light inside us with an ability to make this world a brighter place in our own unique way. I love it when people are kind and generous and make those around them feel special and loved.