Novelist, Poet, Psychosocial Trainer, New Delhi, India

Travelling from North America to India, the first concern you hear as a woman is ‘are you sure it’s safe?’. Continuing solo within India, the locals seem to echo similar sentiment about the capital - ‘be careful in Delhi’. I heard this everywhere I went. The concerns are not unfounded, as there have been numerous headlines coming out of the country, capital especially, of brutal violence against women culminating in a horrific 2012 case of a gang rape and murder of a woman on a Delhi bus. The attack shook the whole conscience of society, with the government’s pledging to strengthen the criminal justice system with a “zero tolerance” policy.

I was looking forward to talking with Ms. Sujata Parashar, a writer, a feminist and an independent single mother living and thriving in New Delhi. I wanted to understand what it’s like for her, surrounded by national headlines, to write novels with strong female characters interested in power, uninterested in marriage, and with a healthy sexual appetite to boot (the basics of being a woman in this day and age). How is Ms. Parashar received by society? Is Indian society ready for this deviation from their norm? Please enjoy the WOW Woman Q/A with Ms. Parashar.

1. Name.

Sujata Parashar.

2. Where is your hometown?

Jabalpur, Madhya Pradesh (Central region), India.

3. What is your profession/career/title/self-label/designation?

Novelist, Short - story writer, Poet, Psychosocial Trainer and Founder (of a talk – therapy based platform), The Talk – It - Out - Express.

4. What did you study in school?

I’d opted for Science as my core subject in class X (High School) but changed my stream after completing my Senior Secondary School. In College I chose Arts stream.

5. What was the journey like to get where you are (in life and career-wise)? What are some accomplishments you’re most proud of, and what was the turning point to set you on a current path in life?

My life has been eventful so far with several twists and turns to it. As a child, I was quite curious and outspoken and never hesitated to question or share my mind even with strangers. In India where the patriarchy mindset is still high, these qualities are discouraged in a girl child. However, both my parents encouraged me to be myself. I’m also left - handed, something that is seen as inauspicious in our society. But again, my parents did not pay heed to what people thought and let me be. My brother and I were raised equally. Yet, after my graduation when I started exploring the possibility of shifting to a different city for my higher studies, my parents were hesitant to entertain the thought of letting me live alone in another city – away from them. I finally managed to coax them and came to Delhi for my post-grad in Travel and Tourism Management and stayed on for another three – four years in my first job with a prestigious Scandinavian Airlines (SAS). Who I am today as a person, is largely due to that decision as I discovered life on my own at a young age. Back then not many girls were allowed or were given the freedom to do so. I consider myself lucky in that sense.

I must share however that my initial years in Delhi were tough and there were moments when all I wanted to do was pack my bags and leave. What kept me going was the thought that I cannot return home defeated so I persevered. One of the best moments of my life was getting my first job. I was inducted in SAS while still completing my Travel and Tourism course. I was one of the first from my batch of students in the entire institute to land a job with a reputed airline even before finishing my studies. My first travel abroad (for a training programme to Copenhagen, Denmark) at the age of 21 - 22 was also a big moment that I’ll cherish forever. Another high point of my life was when my first novel was published by one of the biggest publishers of India. I wasn’t planning to be a writer but that book did amazingly well and firmly established me as a novelist.  My various experiences in life have taught me to aim high but remain grounded, keep an open mind and never lose hope.

6. How is your life different from what you pictured at 20?

At 20 I had little clue about what I wanted from life or where I was going. Almost every experience was new. I took decisions based on my need to learn (and my curiosity). Today, I haven’t changed much but perhaps have developed a better understanding and thus perhaps make fewer mistakes and don’t get disheartened when I fail. I accept my failures better. Also, I’m more aware, confident and accepting of myself.

7. Was there a time when life knocked you down or out and how did you get back up on your feet?

Several times. As I mentioned above, I got a culture shock when I shifted to Delhi for my higher studies. I led a protected and pampered life until then and was unprepared for the challenges that came my way. I was also unaccustomed to the ways of big city life. Commuting to my institute in overcrowded buses (called the Blue line service) was a nightmare. I still recall falling flat and hurting myself while trying to embark or alight the bus due to overcrowding. That was nothing compared to the many challenges I was to face in life.

8. Advice for other women?

As a woman living in a society steeped in patriarchy, I’ve realized that women are always trying to please others at the cost of our own selves. We lack self-awareness and self-confidence. We need to be able to accept ourselves as we are (look at ourselves as human beings with immense possibilities, and not as a gender or weaker sex); another important area where we lack is that we remain silent and quietly accept our fate as it gets decided by others. We let others make decisions on how to lead our lives. This is detrimental to our emotional well-being. I think it’s crucial for women to speak up and share their mind especially about their own dreams, aspirations and expectations from life.

9. Knowing what we know now in a current political climate, can women be "all that we can be" in today's world? What is the way forward, as you see it, for "feminist values"?

In the current political scenario (around the world) applying the feminist approach is the need of the hour for any society to progress. Feminist values do not mean focusing exclusively on girls and women, instead these principles and values will help civil society attain inclusiveness, responsiveness, co –creation, collaboration and correction of power imbalance resulting in better output. As women, we need to continue to voice our views, push and support policies that abolish unfair and discriminatory practices tied to traditional gender roles and most importantly continue to set examples that show that we can be all that we want to be.

10. Where in the world do you feel “tallest” (i.e. where is your happy place)?

Due to my upbringing in an army family; I’ve hardly faced difficulty in adjusting to a new environment or one that is different than my regular life. Moreover, I’m a people’s person and I like to talk and make friends easily. These qualities help me be myself everywhere I go. However, I must say, I like to be around children the most. They are pure, open-minded, full of energy and without pretense; some of my own inherent qualities and which I appreciate in others too.

11. What extra-curricular activities/hobbies are you most proud of? Why?

Talking to loved ones/friends – I’m sensitive by nature and at times tend to over imagine things (one of the reasons why I’m a successful fiction writer). It helps to voice my concerns and in the process of talking it out I end up resolving the issue or at least let it out of my mind.

Dance and Music – I’ve enjoyed singing and dancing from childhood. Both help me rejuvenate and relax.

Writing and reading – I consider both a necessary part of my job as a writer. However, both these activities help me discover myself and the world around me. And they also help me express myself better.

12. What do you want to be when you grow up? Future goals/challenges?

• Lead a healthy, constructive life; remain engaged and fulfilled.

• Keep writing meaningful books/stories. 

• Use my talk – therapy based platform Talk – it Out Express to encourage people to have meaningful conversations and recognize, understand and express their emotions better.

• Travel the world.

13. What fears are you still hoping to overcome?

I want to overcome a couple of things in my personality: my over sensitivity and my temperamental nature. Instead I would like to be more patient and balanced in my approach.

14. Anything you'd do differently, if you had another go at life?

Perhaps, I would have curbed myself from making hasty decisions and really thought through certain parts of my life – decisions before moving forward. Also, would’ve liked to be less emotional about certain things.

15. What inspires you?

Ordinary people who believe in a better world and make it happen.

16. What are you hopeful about?

A healthy, constructive, well-lived, well-loved and well-travelled life.

17. What are some ingredients to a good life?

A good night’s sleep. Exercise for the mind and body (for a good mental and physical well-being). Having a goal in life (a meaningful life). Finding a loving, understanding and supportive companion (and family).

18. What are (at least) three qualities you most love about yourself and why?

• Punctuality - it has saved me several times during important life events.

• Honesty – I sleep better as a result.

• Simplicity – I accept things better and make friends faster without over-complicating things.

19. What advice would you give your 14-year-old self?

Live more. Laugh more. Speak more. Regret less.

20. What are you reading now? (What books do you gift most and what are your favourite reads?)

I read two to three books at a time. I’m currently reading, ‘Teach Your Child How to Think’ by Edward de Bono; ‘The Art of Fiction’ by Ayn Rand; ‘Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind’ by Yuval Noah Harari.

21. Who is a WOW Woman in your world who inspires you and why? Can you nominate three (or more) women you know who perfectly fit WOW WOMAN description? What would you tell them, if you had an opportunity, why you admire them?

The two WOW women whom I admire for the wonderful work they are doing in their respective professional and personal lives are Shibani & Medha.

22. Where can others find you/your work (links to websites, blogs, etc.)?

www.sujataparashar.in